Lenin was awarded National bravery award for saving his family from a gang of robbers. He was the hero of the school. The school was proud of him. Everybody wanted to be friends with him and went to any extent to impress him. Lenin became over confident day by day. He wrongly used his rights as the school leader to create ruckus in the classroom. Everyone was in awe of him and sang his glories. Only I and Alisha could see through him.

Things in the classroom got worse each day. Lewd comments were passed at the teachers during classes. Vulgarity was taking shape in our class. One day when a teacher was absent, Lenin stood on the table in front of the entire classroom and began singing a nursery rhyme with actions.

He asked the boys in the class to sing with him-

“Johny Johny “

“Yes Papa”

“Wearing that”

“No Papa”

“Open your pants”

“Haw haw haw” (howling sound)

It was a song about condoms which he recited proudly in front of the class.

I was raging with anger. He was the one responsible for my misery and he still did not repent for his deeds. Instead his fame had heightened the level of his wickedness.

While the entire class was giggling and clapping I walked out of the classroom towards the staff room. I narrated to my class teacher about what had happened in the class. She barged into the classroom and questioned everyone. Nobody spoke a word against Lenin. The entire class was quite. When she questioned them about the song, the boys unanimously told her that they didn’t sing any song and that I was lying.

My class teacher knew that I was not lying but she could not take any action against Lenin since nobody else was ready to speak up. She announced that she is going to appoint an anonymous person as her informer to inform her about the activities happening in class on a daily basis. She warned them against any sort of indecent activities in the classroom. Since I had complained about the song to her, everyone assumed that her anonymous informer would be me.

That day onwards, I was Lenin & his gang’s target. They hurled paper balls, chalks, chocolate wrappers at me even during lectures.

They started calling me names-“007, Baasi, James Bond etc”

Every time I went past them, they would make sound of vomiting, held their nose and waved their hands in the air and would say “Chi Baasi” (You stink)

One day, Lenin and his friends were sitting behind my bench during the lectures. They were constantly whispering and making sounds during the class.

I could not hear anything else. I was annoyed and so was the girl sitting next to me. But like others, she did not have courage to speak against Lenin.

I turned back and told them to keep quiet. They began shaking our bench teasing us and started making weird noises.

I turned back and said, “Take your bench back and keep quiet”

They started to shake the bench more vigorously. I stood up and said to the teacher, “Ma’am, please tell the boys sitting behind me to be quiet. I told them to keep quiet but they are not listening.”

Lenin immediately stood up and announced, “She called me son of a bitch”

My face was pale. I had heard such a kind of abusive word only in movies. If I had to call him dog, I could do that. Why should I abuse his mother?

“What?? I did not call you son of bitch. I told you to take your bench back and keep quiet”, I replied angrily.

The school principal was taking rounds and came into our class after hearing the commotion. He told me, my bench partner, Lenin and his gang to meet him at his office after the class.

“Gayatri Nair…what did you tell him?”asked the principal.

“He and his friends were making noises. I was not able to hear anything else during the class. When I told them to keep quiet they started shaking our bench. I told them to take their bench back.”

“No sir, she is lying. We heard her telling Lenin that he is a son of a bitch”, said Lenin’s friend.

“Is it true? Did you hear her saying that? You were sitting next to her”, the principal asked my bench partner.

“I don’t know”, she replied.

“She abused him. Even I heard it”, said another boy from his gang.

“Gayatri Nair, you stay back and all others can leave”, the principal ordered.

Every one left.

“This is not the first time you are in this room. You have come here before too, for wrong reasons. This is your last warning. One more complaint against you and you will be expelled from this school.”

“But I’m innocent. I did not write that letter and I did not abuse him. Believe me.”

“I do not want to hear anything. Three people saying the same thing and nobody says you didn’t. Lenin has earned a good name for this institution. Moreover, he is the school leader. I do not believe he will lie. You can leave now and never repeat this in the future”

“All I know is that God knows who is right and He will punish who does wrong”, I said this and walked out of his room.

I went to Alisha and asked her whether she believed me.

“How does it matter Gayatri? Can’t you see everyone believes him and follows him like dogs? Nobody will speak against him. Stop reacting. You will put yourself in trouble again. Just ignore them. Do not waste your energy. It’s of no use”, Alisha said furiously.

I did not say anything. I took my school bag quietly and moved to the last bench where I sat alone. I was feeling disgraced and betrayed. I wanted to kill Lenin and his friends who accused me intentionally.

I took a notebook out of my bag and a pen. I pressed the pen deep inside the book and started drawing lines. Each time I moved my hands one by one the pages of the book tore off. Then, I took out the divider from my geometry box and started pricking my hands.

Alphonsa was quietly observing me. When she realized that I am hurting myself, she rushed towards me.

“How dare you hurt yourself like that? This body is God’s gift to you. You have no right to hurt or destroy it.”

“I want to kill him. He ruined my life. He will not get away with it. God will punish him for his wrong deeds. He will die in hell.”

“Yes, definitely God will punish him. You should stop trying to find ways to punish him. He will not change. Ignore them like everyone else does. You will be at peace. Trust me.”

Days passed. Alisha never spoke to me again. Alphonsa and Radhika had become my biggest strength. They supported me and motivated me to concentrate on studies.

Alphonsa used to talk to me about God. She would tell me stories from Bible and teach me how important it is to pray. She brought me close to Almighty and helped me in healing my wounds.

Radhika was a great singer. She would sing my favourite songs. We would discuss about new movies, actors and new songs. Radhika too helped me in wiping away the redundant memories from my mind.

Everything was going well. We all were waiting for XI (Ninth) standard results. We had 1 week holiday before our X (Tenth) standard classes began. I was eating my lunch at home when the phone bell rang. I answered the call

“ Hello”

“Gayu..Amma here. I have a bad news for you

“What is it Amma? What happened?”

“I have been transferred to Kerala and will have to join there next month”

“But how can we go Amma? My X standard classes will begin next week. How will I find an admission so soon there? I don’t even know how to read and write Malayalam.”

“I know dear. That’s why I have decided to go alone.”

“What about us? What will we do without you?”

“Do not worry. It is a matter of few months and I will come back on leave. I will be at home till you finish your X standard.”

“But…Amma..What after that?”

“We all will move to Kerala and will settle down there. Your father told me to accept the transfer order. His company is planning to start a new branch in Kerala. So, we all can stay together in Kerala.”

“Hmm…..okay”

I was heartbroken, puzzled and remained silent. I was heartbroken because I had to leave Alphonsa and Radhika who were so close to me. I was puzzled thinking about my new life in Kerala. I & my brother didn’t even know how to read and write Malayalam. I kept wondering how we will survive in Kerala where all the signboards, bill boards and bus boards were in Malayalam. Living in Kerala meant meeting Hari often which was a bane after all that happened. I felt solace in silence, so avoided speaking to anyone till my school re-opened.

Our school had re-opened for extra classes of X standard students. Our school had granted only a week’s vacation after XI standard so that we can finish the X standard portion quickly and to have plenty of time to prepare for board exams. Being in X standard was like being cursed upon for a year. Everyone who meets you advises you on dos and don’ts. You are restricted from watching television, playing around or wasting time in any manner. Living without my mother was making things even worse. Though my father did his roles flawlessly, I missed my mother. Those days of the month when my tummy cramped, when I ran out my sanitary napkins, the days when I scored less marks in my class test, the days when Lenin and his friends mocked at me-I missed her.

Alphonsa had been my knight in shining armour during those days. She helped me survive those days like a mother holding my hands and guiding me. She gave me a Vachanampetty-A box containing verses from Bible printed on tiny cards. She told me to pray and choose a card every time I needed answers to my problems.

I was worried about my X board exams and shifting to a new place again. I prayed and chose a card randomly from the cards stacked in the box.

It read:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

-Isaiah 43:1

I was elated. I felt a new happiness in reading these verses. I felt as if God was really speaking to me. For a moment my mind rushed back towards Hari. I thought about him and chose a card.

It read:

“And all things you ask in prayer, believing you will receive”

- Mathew 21:22

I was hopeful for a moment when I read it and my hopes were shattered when my mind reminded me about my promise to my mother. However, my heart was adamant. It was not ready to forget the hopes that it saw in that Bible verse. My heart coerced me to pick another card.

It read:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

-Mathew 7:7

I knew it was forbidden to think about my love, Hari, but that didn’t stop the curves on my face to appear. I smiled stupidly the entire day.