"Gayatri Nair...come here..Did you write this letter?", the school principal asked furiously.

I looked at the letter. It was the same letter which the class teacher had found in my bag.

I nodded my head in agreement, "Yes, I wrote this letter".

"So, you must have written this letter as well", he revealed the controversial letter.

"No...I have not...” I shivered from fear.

"Then prove that you did not write this letter", his hands knocked the table with a bang.

"Sir...you can check my handwriting, I didn’t write the other one...” I panicked.

"You better tell me the truth otherwise I will get this checked from a handwriting expert. After that you will not have another chance. You will be strictly punished, let me remind you that...” he urged.

“No sir...I have not written the other letter. You can get both the letters checked. I wrote only the first letter. I do not know anything about the second letter. Trust me...” I pleaded.

"What is that you have written in your letter? Read it aloud...” he commanded.

My heart thumped loudly. My face turned pale. I took the letter with my shivering hands and started reading the letter-

Dear Alisha,

I met Hari during this vacation. He has grown up. I wrote a letter to him. He sent a reply to my letter. He has told me to share my new stories and poems with him.

I felt really happy when I read his letter. When I was reading his letter, my brother and mother came in my room. My brother snatched the letter. He started teasing me when he understood that I was reading Hari's letter. My mother scolded him and he gave me back my letter .

I felt awkward after that incident. You know the reason...

"Stop...What have you written in a code language?” he asked.

"Hhhari, I stammered.

"Who is Hari?” the principal asked on top of his voice.

"He is my cousin...", I held back my tears.

"Call your parents now. I want to speak to them now. Do not step out of the school building till your parents arrive, understood", he gave strict orders.

"It would be so humiliating for them to endure the sight of those students and the staff. How will they react to the sharp and rude comments of the principal? What explanation would I give them for my letter? How will they react when they come to know about Hari? They will be forlorn. They will be so embarrassed. It's all because of my mistake ", these thoughts started bustling my mind.

I didn't want my parents to undergo that disgrace.

“They will not be able to come right away. They both are working and will need at least 2 hours to reach here. Can they come tomorrow and meet you instead? I will go home and inform them to meet you tomorrow", I pleaded.

"Okay. Tell them to come and meet me tomorrow. Go & wait outside", he calmed down.

I walked out of the room. I sat on a chair outside principal's room besides Alisha. I looked at Alisha. Her eyes were arid as her mind. She sat motionless gazing at the pillar in front of her. I turned my head towards the bus students sitting near principal's room.

They all murmured," It's her...Gayatri.." and started giggling. Those murmurs and giggles choked me up and I dissolved into tears.

Alisha took my hands and tried to pacify me, " Gayatri...Stop crying...These people cannot harm us. We have not done anything wrong. Your name is being unnecessarily dragged into this controversy. It's your bad luck that they found your letter. I'm so sorry that I told them that the letter which they found in my bag is your letter. I wanted to be honest. But because of that letter the principal now blindly believes that we are the culprits.

He threatened me that he will get the letters checked with the handwriting experts. I did my best to convince him that we both are innocent...He forced me to inform my mother and father. They both are coming now...I'm not scared anymore. You shouldn't be scared either Gayatri..."

"I'm not concerned about the bus letter. I am worried about my parent’s reaction when they will find out about Hari. I'm really scared Alisha...", I cried inconsolably.

Meanwhile, Alisha was told to meet the principal. I cried till I was anaesthetized.

"Excuse me..Is this the principal's office?", somebody asked.

I didn't even look at them and nodded in agreement.

"Please wait outside...” somebody asked them to wait.

"Are you Gayatri?” somebody asked.

I looked at the source of voice. Their faces looked familiar. I realized that they were Alisha's parents.

"Yes...” I replied.

"What happened? Did you both copy in exams or something? Why does the principal want to meet us?” Alisha's father asked curiously.

"I'm sorry but I cannot tell you", I sobbed.

Her parents remained silent. Later on, they went inside the principal's room. After sometime I was also told to meet the principal again.

I entered the room. I saw that Alisha's mother was holding my letter in her hands. She sneered at me. Those looks ripped my soul apart.

“Take that letter and read it again...” my principal instructed.

I read that letter again. The words of the letter echoed in my head. I was feeling shaky. I was told to leave the room and wait outside. Immediately after me, Alisha's parents, too, came out of the room. Alisha's mother was infuriated. She walked towards me, held my arms and pulled me towards her. She dragged me to a corner and raged at me.

Her eyes bulged out in anger and said," Never ever again speak to my daughter. Enough of your friendship! You will spoil my child. You just keep away from Alisha...”

My class teacher who had witnessed it interrupted," How dare you speak to her like that? Please control your daughter first. I know my students very well and Gayatri is not that type of girl. Leave her alone."

Alisha's parents took her along with them. The school bus also left with the bus students.

"Gayatri...It's very late. Go home. Should I come along with you?", my class teacher asked.

"I'm not going home...How will I face my parents? What will I tell them? I...I..I..I am going to jump from this building and kill myself. I did nothing wrong, I swear. But everyone thinks that I have done that. I cannot bear this...Oh God!” I cried in despondency.

"Shut up Gayatri! Don't talk rubbish. If you know you are innocent then what do you fear? Is your life is so inexpensive? Think about your parents first and take decisions. Do not feel upset for you have not done anything wrong. I trust you. You cannot do anything like that, I know you very well. So, do not be afraid. Be bold and face this situation. Pray to the Almighty, he will definitely help you. ......Calm down now. People at your home might be worried for you. Go home and do give me a call once you reach home", she said trying to relax me.

Her words soothed my pain. I felt easy. I stopped crying. I looked outside the school gate. I saw my brother waiting for me. I wanted to go home and open my heart to Alphonsa. I knew that only she could solve my problem.

"Okay... I will go home and call you madam”, I assured her.

I lifted my school bag which was lying outside the principal's room. I walked towards the gate. My head was bowed down in humiliation. My eyes were swollen. My body was shivering. I was down in the dumps. My brother was waiting outside the school gate wondering why I was late. I didn’t look at him and he didn’t ask anything. He hired an auto rickshaw. We both reached home. I wasted no time and lifted the phone's receiver. I wanted to speak with no else in this world except Alphonsa. She always had been my saviour. I knew that only she could liberalise me from this dilemma.

"Hello...Alphonsa?..", I asked in a quaking voice.

"Hello...yes..Gayu..what happened? What happened to your voice? Is something wrong? ", she enquired.

"Today at school, they found a letter in bus. It was addressed to Lenin. Somebody else wrote that letter but wrote Alisha's name in place of sender's name. The content of the letter was very mucky. I cannot even tell you how dreadful it was. They then searched her bag and found my letter in her bag. It was about Hari, Alphonsa...", I said holding back my tears.

"Oh my God! What happened after that?” she asked curiously.

"I was told to meet the principal. He accused me of writing the letter they found on bus. All of them think that I wrote that dirty letter. The principal wants to meet my parents tomorrow. What if they found about Hari?” I said. Tears rolled down my cheeks, my voice choked and I couldn't utter a word more.

"Gayu...Why are you quiet? I know you are crying...Please do not be upset. Why are you crying? Did you do something wrong? Are you the one who wrote that dirty letter? You should cry only if you have done something wrong. Be brave. You will have to face the reality. You love Hari and love is not a crime. Tell your parents about Hari before they find out. They will not kill you or harm you. They might be angry with you for few days. Their love for you will gradually calm them down. God is there with you dear...He wouldn't disappoint you. Don't you trust Him? she consoled me.

I cried even louder when I thought about my parent’s reactions and the consequence that would cascade after that.

“They will be hurt. They might think that I took advantage of their love and freedom. What if they inform Hari's family about it? What if Hari comes to know about it? Everyone will hate me. I do not want to earn anybody's hatred. I want everybody's love. I want them all. I will not tell them about Hari”, I decided in my mind.

“Gayatri, please stop crying. Do not feel sorry for you are innocent. God will help you dear...Go and eat something. It's very late. I will call you after sometime", said Alphonsa and disconnected the call once I agreed to eat.

Immediately after I disconnected the call, I received a call from my teacher to enquire if I was alright.

I assured her that I was alright.

I tried eating something. I could only eat few nibbles. I threw away the rest. I washed the dishes and went to sleep. I was really exhausted because of the emotional drainage. I couldn’t sleep. All kinds of possibilities and probabilities of what will happen next began to make me feel distressed.

My eyes were burning which compelled me to close my eyes. I opened my eyes when I heard a creaking sound of the door. My mother was back from work.

“What happened dear? Is something wrong?” she asked curiously.

“Amma…will you scold me if I tell you something?”

“What is it dear? Tell me...I will not scold you.”

“Amma ….” I wondered how to explain her about all that had happened that in school.

“Don’t worry, tell me.”

“Today they found a letter in a school bus. It was a fake letter from Alisha to Lenin. They think I wrote that letter. The principal wants to meet you and Achan.”

“What letter? Why do they think you wrote that letter? You do not travel by school bus, then why you?”

I was silent for a moment. I gained all my strength and told her, “I and Alisha write letters to each other. They found one of my letters in Alisha’s bag. The principal thinks I wrote that letter for Alisha and she kept it in the bus.”

Tears choked my voice and I could not speak any further.

“Oh God! I feel so sorry for you. It’s okay my dear.We both will go and speak to the principal tomorrow.”

I was relieved that she believed me and was ready to meet the principal. However, I was equally worried about my letter and the code word in it.

Next day, when I stepped into my classroom, I realized that all the eyes were fixed upon me. Some of the boys passed dirty comments. Some blew whistles. Someone made paper balls and hurled those at me. I closed my eyes, pressed my lips and stood there silently for a moment.

“Gayatri,come here”, I heard Alphonsa’s voice.

I opened my eyes and ran towards her. I hugged her tightly and cried.

“It’s okay my dear. It’s okay. Ignore what people say. They have no other business. Most of them do not even know what exactly has happened. They all are assuming things on the basis of stories Lenin has been telling them since yesterday. Do not feel bad. They all are idiots who do not even have the courage to find out what the truth is. Stop crying or they will think you really did those things. They will feel that you are crying because you are guilty.”

I wiped my tears and went to the washroom with Alphonsa. I splashed water on my face and looked into the mirror. My face was swollen and my eyes were red and puffy. I wiped my face with my handkerchief and noticed that all the girls in the washroom were looking at me mockingly. I wanted to run away from that school, from that city, probably towards Hari.

I wondered how Hari would react if I told him about the letters. “Will he believe me? Will anyone believe me if I cried out loud that I’m innocent.”

I was nervous about proving my innocence. I was anxious about my parents reading my letter. I was troubled about my parents asking me about the code word. I was worried about my parent’s reaction after they understand the meaning of that code word. All these thoughts sucked the energy out of body. My mind was bustling with all kinds of thoughts and consequences of everything.

I entered the classroom after the assembly and noticed that Alisha was absent. I wondered what might have happened to her at home.

“Would her parents have supported her like my parents did? Would they have thrashed her or scolded her? How would she be feeling?” I wondered.

I paid no attention to any classes.

During the lunch break, Radhika Ram and few of her friends came to me to console me. They told me that they believed that I’m innocent.

I was glad that they came forward to support me.

That night, after meeting the principal, my mother asked me one single question-“Are you in love with Hari?”

My mind and body was numb. I had not expected that my mother would ask me that straight on my face. All the thoughts, probabilities and consequences coerced me to lie.

“No”, I replied.

“Do not lie. I know that you are hiding the truth from me.”

“No…I like him. He’s my cousin…my brother...”

“Promise me that you are speaking the truth”

“Yes Amma…. I’m speaking the truth”

“Promise me and I will believe you”

“Okay. Yeah. I promise.”

All my dreams and hopes shattered that night. Moreover, I had lied to my mother. I had only one way to turn my lie into truth. I had to forget Hari and my love for him.

We had a holiday the next day before our examination. My parents went for work. I locked myself in my room and dialled Alphonsa’s number.

I told her about my stupidity.

“I did not want her to think that I took advantage of their freedom and did wrong things. After all that had happened in school two days back, I didn’t have the courage to tell her the truth. I do not know what to do now. All I can do now is forget Hari and undo my mistakes. I’m so stupid Alphonsa. I ruined my life, my happiness and everything”

“Gayu… you better forget Hari and focus on your studies now. Throw away all his memories in trash. Forget everything about him. Your parents are so kind and just. They did not scold you or punish you. If something similar had happened here at my home, my parents would have thrown me out of the house. You better not do things which will hurt them. We are too young to fall in love and stuff like that. Study well. Exams are starting. Do not waste your time thinking about it. It’s over. Nothing is more important than your parent’s happiness. Forget everything and score well in exams for their sake.”

After speaking to her, I decided to throw away all the letters I wrote to him each day and the letters which he had sent me.

I took out the hidden letters and read them again. I could not throw them away. I kept those letters in my school bag.

Next day, during the examination, the principal came into my examination hall and stood next to me. He stood there staring at me and my answer sheet. He stood there till I had finished an answer of two pages.

Everyone in the hall paused for a moment during the examination and wondered what was so interesting in my answer sheet that made him stand near my table for so long.

I felt humiliated as I knew the reason for why he chose to stand next to my table. I ignored him and focussed on my answer more. I wondered if he stood there on purpose to de-motivate me.

After the examination was over, I looked for Alisha. However, she had left early as she had finished her paper early.

I met Alphonsa. I told her that I failed in throwing away his memories and had brought the letters to school.

“Will you keep these letters? Otherwise please throw it away. I do not have the courage to throw these away”, I pleaded.

“No Gayu. I cannot take these letters home. If my parents find out about the letters then I can’t imagine how they will react. Tear these letters and throw it in the dustbin.”

“Hi..How was your exam?”,Radhika Ram interrupted us.

“It was easy. How was yours?” asked Alpsonsa.

“What happened? Why are you both serious?” asked Radhika.

She heard my problem and offered to keep those letters at her house. She assured that it will be safe at her house and there would not be any problem.

I tried meeting Alisha each day after the examinations but she went away early with her brother. I heard from common friends that her brother used to drop her and pick her from school. She came only a few minutes before the exams and left before everyone else did.

Our school reopened after the examinations followed by a short vacation. Alisha avoided eye contact with anyone. She did not speak to anyone. She never smiled. Her cheerful face was no longer the same.

I wanted to speak to her desperately and to tell her to forget everything. However, she avoided talking to me.

One day, during the sports period, Alisha’s nose started bleeding profusely. I noticed it first and took her to the school office. They gave her first aid.

I and Alisha were sitting in the one of office rooms. There was no one else in that room.

“What happened to you Alisha? Are you sick? Why is your nose bleeding?”

“I’m sorry Gayatri. I ignored you for so many days. My mother scolded me a lot that day. She told me that I have bad friends at school and they are ruining my life. She warned me not to talk to anyone in class. She told that she will tell my teachers and few friends to keep a watch on me. She believes that we wrote that letter. She feels that her daughter is a whore. She treats me that way. One day I was standing near the window in my room. Some guy was staring at me from the opposite building and whistling at me. I had not noticed him. She came into my room and slapped me for standing near the window. She accused me of standing there to impress that guy. I could no longer bear the torture. After she left, I sprayed the pest control spray on my face and inhaled it till I was unconscious. I was in hospital when I opened my eyes. I was hospitalized for few days. Ever since that episode, I have trouble breathing and sometimes my nose bleeds.”

“What??? You attempted suicide. Oh my God!”

“I’m sorry but I was so upset that I did not wish to live any longer.”

“It’s okay. I can understand. I was so worried about you all these days. I’m happy that you are alive and that you regret your decision.”

“There is something else I wanted to tell you, it’s about the letter in the bus. My brother did some local enquiry about Lenin. What he has found out is really shocking. Lenin goes to the red light area with his friends. There is a medical shop near his locality from where he buys condoms. I’m sure that he wrote that letter to malign my name” said Alisha

“Oh!!! It is indeed shocking. But why would he try to defame you?”

“He had proposed love to me a few months back and I had rejected his proposal.”

“Is it? He’s a devil.I just hate him Alisha. He has a great influence over the other boys of the class just because he is the school leader. All the boys think that we wrote that letter. We do not have valid evidence against him to prove that he was behind that letter. He will suffer for his deeds. Because of him we had to endure so much pain. I lied to my mother that I’m not in love with Hari. I had to even say that Hari is my brother to convince her. I feel so devastated since that moment. I will have to forget Hari and all his memories. That is the only way I can convert my lie into truth. I want my parents to be happy and nothing more than that. I will never do anything that will hurt their feelings. They have supported me so much during that letter episode. I was dejected and was feeling lonely. They soothed my pain with their love and care. I can never forget that. I will never make them feel that I exploited the freedom they gave me.”

We both had tears in our eyes and vengeance in our hearts when we left that room.